Caught in the lens

Storm’s in the Bank

The Ruddy Shelled Duck has just had nine little ones and it amazes me that Nature invented Urban Camouflage some considerable time before mankind stumbled upon it and called it his idea !

It was a bright and sunny day , Peter a great friend and often a conspirator in events that normally led to trouble ,suggested we go for a trip up the Salt River in his boat. I use the term boat loosely !

I’m sure Noah had it on the Ark and even then would have been considered useful only as fuel in some kind of food making process or just plain warmth.

Anyway let’s go , boat in the water ,some water in the boat , but off we go . To my mind the ratio of forward movement versus downward movement did not make sense. What do I know , the middle of the river , not good and secondly had I been thinking would not have been in the boat in the first place.

I mentioned to Peter that the amount of free board was in my opinion insufficient , in as much as ,

the river was actually higher than the gunnel’s in my section. At this moment a line from “ The Goon Show “ made me smile.

The Goons were in a similar predicament and Neddy shouted : “ Swim for the bank “ to which

Major Bloodnok retorted : “ I can’t I’m overdrawn “

Which brings me to an episode in my life when I was seriously involved in racing cars , they were the “ be all and end it all “ of my life. Copious amounts of money was ploughed into this venture.

I was summoned to appear on the red carpet by his Majesty the Bank Manager . He opened with :

“ John may I explain a basic principle of banking . The object is for you to bank with us and not us with you ! “ I deduced from this feeble attempt at humour he was alluding to my habit of using slightly more money than I had actually put in the Bank.

The next salvo landed with : “ I must admit you have a Cavalier attitude towards money. “

Wait until he met my mates , Arthos , Porthos , Aramis and D’artagnan these Musketeers could teach him a thing or two about Cavaliers. ( With apologies to Alexandre Dumas )

I guess he was someone who would go through life always doing the right thing , nothing wrong with that attitude at all ,but I’d always lived by the credo ; “ If you’re not living on the edge , you’re taking up too much space ! “ Not the answer either .

So all these years later I have , scars , bones that have been broken ,some more than once , I several light years away from being rich , but hell have I lived . I’ve experience the most bizarre moments a life like this can throw at one. I have spent time with the most amazing people on this Earth. Some of them did not have a home , some of them were considered not completely normal , normal ???

( Please will someone, please show me five perfectly normal politicians .) Some were just every day people ,but each and everyone had a story to tell all I had to do was listen ,it seemed so few people bothered to listen , we have two ears ,one mouth the reason’s not too difficult to work out.

So what can I say , it was the same in the Bank on red carpet day , no matter what I said or should have said , it was all ready decided before I got there , stay between the lines obey all the rules ; then a line from Cat Steven’s number “ Where do the Children Play “ popped into my head. “ Is he going to tell me when to live ? Is he going to tell me when to die ? “

Guess some Psychologist would have a field day with my attitude problems most likely too numerous to mention , a few ex-girlfriends could add to the mix as well ,then why not consult the mother-in-law , about 120 Traffic Officers ,all my teachers at school and the list goes on , but most important of all my new Bank Manager. Why because all I am to him or her is Acc . No : 1111878328892123 DS . The DS is for Difficult Sod even though we have never met or will meet (hopefully)

and although now only a mere number, I’m sure there’s a note somewhere from 1972 about my Cavalier attitude. So still labeled , by one encounter 38 years ago,  No :1111878328892123 DS will always be regarded by,  my Financial Institution at least , as a bit of a rebel.


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